Contrary to popular belief, I have not actually been eaten by a rabid bear.

Why hello there! I know, I know, it’s been a while. I’ve been absent from the internet. But it’s okay, I haven’t actually been eaten by a rabid bear, even though that’s what all the tabloids have been saying. Nor have I been EATING rabid bears, as the even less reputable tabloids are claiming. I’ve just been busy living life 2.0 in HIGH DEFINITION WITH SURROUND SOUND! as well as making up very extremely long lies (aka writing novels).  I’m sure you’ve been kept busy what with all the robots landing on Mars and trampires to keep you entertained.

This is what happens when we spend money on science instead of weapons. We get fucking amazing pictures of the surface of Mars (ironically, named after the god of war.)

In any case, as Jesus once said to Thomas, “I’M BACK BITCH!” What’s more, I have this shiny new website that you are currently consuming with your retinas. I hope that you like it and take on it picnics and dance around with it in some sort of jubilant montage like this:

All the content from my old blog What Rhymes With Chaos? will now appear here, but will also continue to be archived at my old typepad. To celebrate the launch of the new site, I thought I’d give you all a present for FREE because that is my favourite price. It’s a little novelette (or long short story if you prefer, no one can ever seem to agree on the definitions of these things). It’s the kind of story Edgar Allen Poe may have written if he worked in an office, took tea breaks with Kafka and Stoppard and had an unhealthy fascination with amatoxins and Tom Jones. If you like it feel free to let me know. If you don’t then JUST SHUT THE HELL UP WHY DONTCHA! I’m just kidding. I’ll still love you (just a little less).

Death of a bureaucrat

4 thoughts on “Contrary to popular belief, I have not actually been eaten by a rabid bear.

  1. Rose Wintergreen

    Yay! Whilst it is somewhat difficult to type you a comment whilst attempting to dance like that alone in my soggy local park in the freezing cold in the middle of my celebratory picnic in Melbourne, I am persisting because I am (*breathing heavily, frowning in concentration at my uncooperative limbs*) very excited that you’re back! But I am wondering if there’s some truth to the bear stories. Perhaps you HAVE been eaten by bears and this new website is actually a bear impersonating you.
    I’m running away now to a quiet spot to read this new novella-y thingo. I opened it up, zoomed through the first para, realised I was hooked, but then decided it needs to be read away from the glare of the screen and savoured somewhere peaceful and quiet (kind of like how the last piece of Lindt Strawberry Intense chocolate must be consumed in a bubble bath alone and with candles).

    Reply
  2. Josh

    Oh Rose, you are far too kind. Let me know what you think of that twisted little tale. I’ll be down in Melbourne soon. Let’s hang out!

    Reply
    1. Josh

      The only period biography that I would want to read would be a biography of J. Period, the Brooklyn producer. That’s a pun title that practically writes itself.

      Reply

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