Dear the Government,
How are you? I know that you are rather busy unreasonably oppressing refugess in direct violation of the UN charter that you signed, but I wondered if you might address something for me.
The thing is; I love libraries. At a library I can instantly attain one of the things that I love most in the world: books. Not only this, but I can sit and read them in air conditioning with a view of the river and really weird fluroscent lighting, all for zero dollars. This is convenient as it just so happens that free is my favourite price. Not to play the poor starving artist card, but as it happens I am a poor starving artist. It says so right here, where I wrote it in purple texta:
This is a picture of a piece of card with the
words 'I am a starving artist' written in purple
This ironically means that I can’t afford to buy lots of books. Thus libraries are wonderful. The only problem however, is that whilst reading a book I am temporarily prevented from writing books of my own. If I were to attempt to do such a thing my books would basically just be regurgitations of whatever books I was reading in a specific time period. This kind of thing is called plagiarism and is generally frowned upon, unless your name is James Cameron in which case people like to give you academy awards and several billion dollars for being very extremely good at plagiarism.
I would like the goverment to set up other services where I can get things that I enjoy for free. Here is a list for your convenience:
Nature (this used to be free, but is not mostly owned by rich jerks who build giant fences.)
Food (but not the dead animal flesh kind).
Art (the good kind, not the I-went-to-art-school-because-I-wanted-an-excuse-to-wear this-yellow-lycra-jumpsuit kind.)
If you could get right on that it would be very much appreciated. In turn I will continue to pay my tax dollars which I earn through selling my books to people who are allergic to libraries. By current estimates by tax contirubtion is 0.00000000000000000000000000000000314% of the national GDP and in light of this fact I would think that you would take this suggestion very seriously.
Thankyou and I hope you have a lovely day incarcerating people who are escaping from war-torn countries.
Yours Since Clearly,
This is an artpiece made of art by an artist that says' Todo Esta Muy Caro' which is spanish for 'everything is very expensive.' If the artist had been working in Australia, he may have instead written 'todo esta muy, muy fucking caro.' Except that we probably wouldn't have let him in account of that fact that he spoke foreign talky sounds. And even worse, is an artist.
2 responses to “The Price is Free”
I was having a really shitty day (yes it’s only 9:30) but then I read this article. It has cheered me up considerably. Please stop all this ‘being funny’ and ‘writing well’ business, as it is preventing me from being mopey and such.
Yours faithfully, sans yellow jumpsuit,
P.S. Totes a lie, I’m wearing the jumpsuit.
I’m sure you are one of the few people in the world who can pull off the yellow jumpsuit Hannah! Yay mutual blog admiration! Or, as I like to call it, Mutlogiration!