Category: guide to better living through apathy


    The good thing about buying books as Xmas gifts is that you can write in the front of them and it saves you buying a card. This means that not only do you save on money and paper wastage, but many years from now when you and the person you gave the book to are […]

  • If loving you is wrong, I’d like to be partially incorrect.

    This week, I'm going to give you some advice on romance. Now, I know what you're thinking. It's either A) How did I end up at this page when I was looking for videos of cats playing keyboards??? or B) Why on earth would J. M. Donellan be qualified to give relationship advice? He seems […]

  • Inaugural Premier’s Obituary Award

    My Dearest Queensland, I have just returned from a weekend swimming in your resplendant blue waters at Stradbroke island, followed by two nights in the majestic sunshine coast hinterland, only to return to Brisbane and discover that Campbell 'I hate the arts so much you'd think they strangled my puppy' Newman has scrapped the Queensland […]

  • A human writes about human rights.

    OR: WHY I BASE MY VOTE EXCLUSIVELY ON A PARTY’S CIVIL RIGHTS POLICIES. Congratulations QLD! Your new premier has a lucky elephant. So presumably everything is going to be just fine! (Not making this up he really does call it his lucky elephant.) The economy is in permanent flux, that's the nature of the beast. […]

  • How To Do Your Xmas Shopping Without Losing Your Will To Live

    I hate shopping. And not just because I'm an 'anti-consumerist hippie.' I hate trying stuff on, I hate waiting in queues and I hate the fact that stores play insufferable techno music with a high BPM that is specifically selected to impair your impulse control systems.    "You know, I thought that $149.95 for a […]

  • Dearest spawn: words of wisdom for the future

    Recently I was requested to write some words of wisdom for the as yet unborn child of two of my very dear friends. Having a great deal of words but a rather appalling dearth of wisdom, I soon found myself overwhelmed by the grandiose responsibility of providing the literary form of a guiding light in […]

  • The Price is Free

    Dear the Government, How are you?  I know that you are rather busy unreasonably oppressing refugess in direct violation of the UN charter that you signed, but I wondered if you might address something for me.   The thing is; I love libraries. At a library I can instantly attain one of the things that […]

  • Interim parliament vows to keep Australia ‘one nation under a groove’

    In news that is bound to shock Australia and the world, long buried legislation has been uncovered that states that in the event of a hung parliament an interim foreign political body of an allied democratic nation must be installed. The US government was last night asked to fulfill this role, but in a clerical […]


    "The most urgent health problem in the developed world is obesity. The most urgent health problem in the developing world is starvation."   "Either you motherfuckers need to start sharing those cheeseburgers or I am going to have to try and get Madonna to adopt me. Do you really want to live with that on […]


    "No matter how good you are at your job, there will always be someone much less talented than you making a lot more money." This might seem like  cop out statement for an artist, but I feel it's never a bad idea to reiterate just how terrible the taste of the general public is. Just […]