Category Archives: poetry

6 Things I Have Learned From Teaching Small Children

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1 You shouldn’t be scared of lightning because it’s just God farting lasers.

2 Having hearing aids is good because when people say mean things about you, you can just turn them off. LINGUISTIC INVINCIBILITY BITCHES!

3 The reason why daddy sometimes sleeps on the couch is probably because he wets the bed.

4 In the olden days – when Grandma was a baby – people used to ride dinosaurs to work.

5 When you die you turn into a skeleton and when the full moon rises you come back from the dead and go looking for treasure.

6 When the giant volcano erupts, the only things left in the world will be one lion, one diamond and one toilet.

lion

Killing Adonis cover reveal

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Dearest denizens of the interwebs, I am extremely incredibly tremendously and wondrously thrilled to present to you the cover of my forthcoming novel Killing Adonis. I’m hugely impressed with the team at Xou Creative as well as my publisher Pantera Press for coming up with a design that enigmatically alludes to the dark and comedic aspects of the novel in a way that is captivating and unusual. The cover itself will have a faux leather feel, and as a huge book nerd I’m excited that it will have a special little tactile element.

The blurb is as follows:

LIGHT DUTIES.

LARGE PAY. 

NO QUESTIONS ASKED OR ANSWERED.

After receiving a curious invitation, Freya takes a job caring for Elijah, the comatose son of the eccentric Vincetti family. She soon discovers that the Vincetti’s corporate rivals have a nasty habit of being extravagantly executed, their labyrinthine mansion hides a wealth of secrets and Elijah was never the saint they imagine him to be.

 As if that’s not enough, Marilyn Monroe keeps appearing, apparently unaware of the fact that she’s very much deceased. And there’s something very strange about the story that Elijah’s brother Jack is writing…

 Killing Adonis is a tragicomic tale about love, delusion, corporate greed and the hazards of using pineapple cutters while hallucinating. 

The launch party will be held at the Motor Room in West End on September 27 and 100% of everyone everywhere is invited. This will not be your ordinary book launch, we are going to have slam poets, bands, circus performers, fireworks and all manner of wonderful weirdness. Official event page and invites will be available soon. See you there.

ex oh ex oh

JD

Poetry is Dead

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Hello universe! Meeksounds and I are doubleplus pleased to announce our new project Poetry is Dead. We made these special supertimes deluxe poetry books with the EP hidden in the back on a USB (which you can just use as a normal flashdrive as well Bee Tea Dubs.) They took freaking ages to make. Here’s a few photos from the construction process. I’ll post a few videos and such soon. You can buy the EP now immediately instantly this instant. 

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I want to throw a poem at your face.

Recently I’ve been performing this poem during school workshops and the kids keep asking me for a copy so I thought I’d just put it up here for you all to grab. I’ll probably record a youtube of it when I have some spare time (2017, perhaps). It’s free and junk, but if you like it and feel like throwing me some cash you could buy one of my books or my poetry EP when it comes out in a month or so.

Click click here (pdf download): OPENING CEREMONY

Keep making magic and remember:

atwood

A poem for Christopher Pyne

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Christopher Pyne, you’ve got me pining for a time
When we had an education minister with half a mind
You stick to your area of expertise, I’ll stick to mine
If you need an expert on education,
a phone call my way would be well worth your while
If I need an expert on being a smarmy entitled prick,
I’ll keep you on speed dial.

Library

I originally wrote this poem when I was invited to do a speech to honour the opening of the Ann Christopherson library at Ipswich East primary school, and it’s been one of my favourites to perform ever since. Also, unlike most of my poetry, it’s very ‘clean,’ so it’s safe to perform for younger audiences (although we all know how much kids love dropping F-bombs, I think schools would stop booking me if I tried to get away with it…)

I haven’t done much of the youtube poetry thing and it seems like all the cool kids are doing it, so I might as well jump on the bandwagon. Let me know what you think. And of course, super nerdy and awesome discussions about your favourite books/libraries and how they changed your life are always welcome!

You can also download the full text here: LIBRARY