People of the world, these are times, no doubt about. In times such as these, such as they are, we need to stand together. Or possibly slightly apart, depending on the potency of the body odour of the comrade in closest proximity to you. However, regardless of exact geographical spacing, we must unite under the banners of Truth, Liberty, Synergy, Jazzercise and Rampant Consumerism like our fathers and their fathers before them, (but not so much the fathers before those who spent most of their time between the poorhouse and the whorehouse).
We must unite and say YES! I am here and NO! I don't know why but in the meantime I BELIEVE!…in…things. And I ostensibly believe in your right to believe in other things, no matter how horrendously defiant of logic and basic reasoning those things might be.
And brother, sister or second cousin twice removed I swear to metaphorically stand next to you on the figurative battlefield of justice, even if I would, in reality, run at the slightest hint of any form of literal conflict. Someday, when your children gaze up at you from their bowl of insta-feed protein TM now with even MORE! psuedo-flavour and say: "Daddy/mummy tell me about the olden day times?"
You'll be able to proudly reply: "Shut yer cakehole. I'm trying to watch Avatar 3 in 4D."
It is in the spirit of these things and these times that I gave you:
"Every five minutes 346 wonderful people die and 347 total jerks are