Tag Archives: muppets

FROZEN FACE OF POLAR BEAR reviewed by JM Donellan (of Frozen Face of Polar Bear)


Polar bear

You might think it somewhat inappropriate for a musician to review their own gig. If this is the case you should be aware of the fact that all music reviewers are invariably one of the following:

1 Friends with the bands they see

2 Sleeping with one (or more) of the band members.

3 Would like to be sleeping with one (or more) of the band members.

4 Total jerks

The act before us is a girl with a name that I don't remember due to the fact that I was busy eating $1 tacos and being slightly concerned by the fact that Dave was finishing the lyrics to Trouble  approximately 28 minutes before heading on stage.

Hadroni

We had a lot of gear to set up, so while we were plugging in and tuning up Darragh entertained the crowd with an eighteen minute freestyle gangster rap on the theme of the potential sociopolitical ramifications of the large hadron collider. By the end of this the crowd had acquired a rudimentary understanding of quantum mechanics and we were ready to get started.

We opened with one of our more obscure b-sides from the early eighties, not our best song I'll be the first to admit but to be fair it was written when we only had a collective age of one Bieber (that's 16 years for those of you who aren't popular culture mathematicians.)

Soon after this point Dave got so excited that he smashed his guitar into a wall in a spectacular explosion of steel and strings. Whilst this certainly drew a rousing response from the crowd, it did unfortunately force him to play air guitar for the rest of the set, luckily Dave is an expert air guitarist and it didn't negatively affect our sound too much.

dramatised re-enactment:


Around midset Kate decided to sing the lyrics to Bluescreen in Swedish. This was an inspired move and no doubt would have lent a truly beautiful, classically European lilt to the song if not for the fact that the only Swedish that Kate knows was acquired from a childhood watching the Swedish chef on the Muppets. A Swedish diplomat who was by the strangest of coincidences in attendance began shaking his fist at us and yelling. Unfortunately, because none of us can speak Swedish we had no idea what he was saying, one can only assume it was some sort of fervent praise and adulation.

As we neared the end of the set I decided that we needed some sort of grand finale so I decided to climb on top of the speakers and perform a backflip. Tragically, it was only after I was airborne that I remembered the fact that I have no aerobatic skill whatsoever and I ended up breaking both my legs upon landing and had to finish the set playing bass on my back.

On a scale of one to eleventy thousand, I give this gig a high five. I would thoroughly recommend this and similar products to anyone with a healthy interest in either haberdashery or kierkegaardian philosophy.

Poster_final shoot

Our next gig will be at SHOOT art party on October 2nd. We're planning to perform a 2 hour operatic piece based around the life and times of Rick Astley.

Birthday letter to the queen by Jake Marshall Dunhill, grade 2


Queen


Dear the Queen,

How are you? Are you having a good birthday? How is it
being old? Do you like it? Do you want to get even more older or just stay the
same amount of old? Have you been old ever since you were
little, or did you just get old recently?

Do you listen to this song on your birthday, is it about you?

My name is Jake and
the other day it was MY birthday and my sister wasn’t even very nice too me cos
she’s a teen-anger and the only things that teen-angers are good at is sulking
and talking about pop songs. There’s a law against that isn’t there? I'm pretty
sure there is which means she broke the law, so could you please lock her up in
a dungeon somewhere or something? Or maybe make one of your dragons eat her?
Ok, well, maybe not eat her, maybe just kind of really scare her a lot and set
fire to her ipod.

Also I had to go to
school on my birthday. I really think that is very unfair. I want want to
be rude, or anything Mrs. the Queen, but I get to stay home from school on YOUR
birthday so how come I didn’t get to stay home on mine?

Thanks

Jake Marshall Dunhill, Grade 2

PS  my uncle Frank says one time he got punched in the crown jewels and it hurt like blazes, but I thought that the crown jewels belonged to you and that they live in the Tower records store in London. Why are people punching your jewels and how come it hurts my uncle?


Scottish-crown-jewels 

Please don't punch these. It hurts my uncle Frank.