You might think it somewhat inappropriate for a musician to review their own gig. If this is the case you should be aware of the fact that all music reviewers are invariably one of the following:
1 Friends with the bands they see
2 Sleeping with one (or more) of the band members.
3 Would like to be sleeping with one (or more) of the band members.
4 Total jerks
The act before us is a girl with a name that I don't remember due to the fact that I was busy eating $1 tacos and being slightly concerned by the fact that Dave was finishing the lyrics to Trouble approximately 28 minutes before heading on stage.
We had a lot of gear to set up, so while we were plugging in and tuning up Darragh entertained the crowd with an eighteen minute freestyle gangster rap on the theme of the potential sociopolitical ramifications of the large hadron collider. By the end of this the crowd had acquired a rudimentary understanding of quantum mechanics and we were ready to get started.
We opened with one of our more obscure b-sides from the early eighties, not our best song I'll be the first to admit but to be fair it was written when we only had a collective age of one Bieber (that's 16 years for those of you who aren't popular culture mathematicians.)
Soon after this point Dave got so excited that he smashed his guitar into a wall in a spectacular explosion of steel and strings. Whilst this certainly drew a rousing response from the crowd, it did unfortunately force him to play air guitar for the rest of the set, luckily Dave is an expert air guitarist and it didn't negatively affect our sound too much.
Around midset Kate decided to sing the lyrics to Bluescreen in Swedish. This was an inspired move and no doubt would have lent a truly beautiful, classically European lilt to the song if not for the fact that the only Swedish that Kate knows was acquired from a childhood watching the Swedish chef on the Muppets. A Swedish diplomat who was by the strangest of coincidences in attendance began shaking his fist at us and yelling. Unfortunately, because none of us can speak Swedish we had no idea what he was saying, one can only assume it was some sort of fervent praise and adulation.
As we neared the end of the set I decided that we needed some sort of grand finale so I decided to climb on top of the speakers and perform a backflip. Tragically, it was only after I was airborne that I remembered the fact that I have no aerobatic skill whatsoever and I ended up breaking both my legs upon landing and had to finish the set playing bass on my back.
On a scale of one to eleventy thousand, I give this gig a high five. I would thoroughly recommend this and similar products to anyone with a healthy interest in either haberdashery or kierkegaardian philosophy.