Don’t ever contact me again for any reason including the apocalypse.

 

IMG_20130828_190643

Dear Teresa,

After receiving personally addressed but entirely unsolicited mail from your office for the third time, I decided I would send you a polite request to never again send me any kind of communication at all, ever. This includes, but is not limited to, letters, phone calls, text messages, morse code, Da Vinci code, TV advertisements, billboards, semaphore, smoke signals, interpretative dance, gorilla grams, messages in bottles, tiny holograms delivered via droids, messenger pigeons and rickrolls.

george2.1

Even if some bizarrely selective cataclysm destroys all human life on earth except for me and you, I still don’t want to hear from you. I’ll be quite busy enjoying my post-apocalyptic life by growing a prodigious beard and staging a production of Streetcar Named Desire with a cast of rats and possums, thank you very much. And no, you are not invited to the premiere.

You want me to vote for your party. I get it. But unfortunately, this is impossible due to the fact that I have:

a) a conscience

b) a brain and

c) access to trustworthy news services that are not owned by Rupert Overfiend Murdoch

The only kind of boats we like around here are the ones that catch our food!

STOP THE BOATS! Except for the ones trawling the ocean. We like those ones.

Also, just a quiet word of advice from a fellow epistolarian, starting your letters with ‘the last few years have not been easy, particularly for local people’ in fucking Paddington is a bit rich. Round this neck of the woods you can’t spit without inadvertently hitting an antique shop, designer clothing store or obscenely tacky and overpriced seafood restaurant.

If you’re going to make comments like “immigrants should learn to wear deodorant, queue correctly and speak English in order to deal with racism“, then you’ve got about as much chance of getting my vote as I have of winning a gold medal for dressage whilst simultaneously reading War and Peace in the original Russian, preparing crème brûlée and reformatting my hard drive.*

In conclusion:

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SENDING ME MAIL NOTHING ON EARTH WILL EVER CONVINCE ME TO VOTE FOR YOU AND YOUR TEAM OF VERMICULAR, SOULLESS CRETINS.

Swarm Regards,

JM Donellan

* Have you ever tried reformatting a hard drive? It’s really hard.

159 thoughts on “Don’t ever contact me again for any reason including the apocalypse.

  1. NB

    LOL!!! What a bloody fantastic response!!! You’ve made my morning (but probably ruined Teresa’s. Meh!). Thank you – will share this far and wide.

    Reply
  2. Josh Post author

    Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. Haven’t heard back from the Gambaro office yet (although that was the idea of course). Although they did delete my message from her facebook page…

    Reply
      1. Anonymous

        Agreed. Politics aside, posts like this are just a chance for their authors to giggle at their attempts at humour.

        Reply
      1. Ashley

        Lol … Sad that name calling is the only form you see fit as a response, now lets hope you spelt your name correctly!

        Reply
    1. David H

      Love your work Josh.
      As soon as right -wingers like these realise they can get boat people to work in their restaurants for $2.50 an hour, they WILL welcome them, by the boatload.

      Reply
      1. claire

        Yeah Dave. Cos us self professed but factually near identical lefties are on to something here with our displays of sound political left thinking. Good grief!

        Reply
        1. claire

          Oh yeah Dave. You have more in common with this wicked right winger than just futile publications comrade. Neither of you own a restaurant. So when this left revolution comes, there will be, surely?], you will be able to get off your coit & demonstrate your political chops side by side with Theresa.

          Reply
    2. toShay

      I think you’ll find her family sold their share of the Gambaro restaurant after her cousin were caught out embezzling, something like $1m rumour has it. Needed to feed his cocaine habit, had a bit of a sex addition as well. Spent most his time in the strip joint next door to the restaurant. Bitter family rife, even the daughters were suing their father. Just saying, she can hardly claim the high moral ground.

      Reply
      1. claire

        That utter excrement is both 100% false and defamatory. Take it down now and apologise. I would imagine you have nothing of worth to fund damages for publishing such malicious falsehoods but your diatribe is outrageous and unrelated to Theresa or her politics. Woeful and knowingly a lie. Remove it and apologise.

        Reply
        1. Gone to Pot

          I got busted for smoking a joint way back in ’91 & as the drug squad drove me past said tacky restaurant, one remarked casually to the other “do you think we’ll ever get ‘em?” The senior cop reply “nah mate, they’ve got too many connections”…. Of course I have no idea who they could have been talking about?

          Reply
        2. Evan Shaw

          How does “Go Fuck Yourself Claire” sound.

          You have no idea about the internet do you?

          But thanks for the laugh. As for the apology. I am sorry you are a dick.

          Reply
  3. Gail Hargraves

    Brilliant work; genuinely funny. Not everyone is willing to take it quite all the way out there. Extra points for the reference to droids bearing tiny holograms. I’m thinking we should send her away in a boat with selected others e.g. Sophie Mirabella, Christopher Pyne, Julie Bishop and Campbell Newman, who will be finally become quite useful… as the anchor.

    Reply
  4. Dave

    FYI:
    Windows: A:\> format c:
    Linux: $ sudo mkfs.ext2 /dev/hda1
    OSX: Find a Genius. They live for this.

    Surely that wasn’t so hard? Now just need to learn equestrian and Russian.

    Reply
  5. Jayden

    ONLY 3 times?? Dude you’re fking LUCKY!!!!! Down south here in Bonner I’ve had Mr Botox (aka Ross Vasta) send me AT LEAST 5 maybe 6 letters -I’m not really sure I’ve honestly lost count.
    He’s also been addressing the letters jointly to me and my sister who also lives here, so I can only assume he thinks we are a couple. And that makes me feel pretty weird.

    In the interest of full transparency, my full tally for all parties is thus:
    ALP: 1
    PUP: 1 (with the interesting promise to “stop the refugees” and “reduce electricity”)
    Greens: 1 card posted by unpaid volunteer on foot.

    Reply
    1. Lost

      Consider yourself lucky my friend, I think Mr Botox is stalking my letterbox!
      8 “personalised” letters, endless flyers and even a little street corner waving ( which clarified for me that his campaign photos are on fact not poorly photoshopped and he actually does have a creepy plastic-like thing going on with his face).
      With all his propaganda I still have no idea who the competing candidates are as aside from recieving Clive Palmers sneaky titanic II DVD, I haven’t received a thing nor seen a single sign for one of them!

      Reply
    2. Lynne

      I get letters from the Libs here in NSW too, addressed to myself and my son and that made us feel a bit weird too. We both vote Labor and hope against hope that Labor wins the election and not the other lot

      Reply
    1. Josh Post author

      An outrage. I’m surprised there isn’t a Cappuccino Carts Everywhere party. Surely they’d have more credibility than the No Carbon Tax Climate Change Sceptics party.

      Reply
    2. Anonymous

      Funniest thread ever!!! Loved the letter and loved the coffeeless dog park – another reason I am happy to have a cat!

      Reply
  6. JohnB

    Hard drives are very easy to reformat, too easy sometimes.
    Oh and funny letter but you haven’t convinced me to vote for the corrupt psychopaths of the ALP.

    Reply
    1. Josh Post author

      Fair enough, although there are other parties. And only some of them are run by insane mining moguls, insane racists or insane cowboys!

      Reply
      1. Lynne

        Very well said and I wholeheartedly agree. If Abbott’s mob somehow wangles their way in I hope the idiots who voted for him suffer the most from his ‘austerity measures’

        Reply
          1. Capitano

            Try reading some policies, best place to start – many differences – including a fundamentally different value base. ALP may be shit but they’re a huge improvement on anything Tony could spew up. Personally, I don’t vote for either – but at least I’m informed on their differences.

            Reply
  7. A Peasant

    Boodafool!..Coupla days,.Boodafull!..Funny, down here in Gippsland we have NOT received any letter drops, Auspost , door knock, phone calls, etc. Nothing!.. Only found out a few minutes ago that our local incumbent Llib NP would be sitting in a cafe here, last week! Trying to shore up support!..Yep, has been MIA for six years and now sits in a cafe waiting for us peasants to come flocking to him, Oh Hale Caeser! Now he pops his head up, yawns, says , yawn, I am here! Funny that, his online report card says he has sat on some committees, asked some questions in QT, (that were understandable for ?17yo) and SFA else. A bit similar to a neighbouring seat, Dunkley. The member there was a Shadow Minister, Yep, really small business! Very Small Business, asked a few question in QT, but none related to his portfolio! Shadow Minister? Yep, kept in the dark and fed bs. And I used to be a swinging voter, well, I have swung, permanently. With the LNP Animal House antics of televised Question Time, Led by Pyne, Bishop, Abbott, Truss, Hockey, Hunt, Mirabella, Billson etc.that I saw over the last few months of PM Gillards leadership I would NEVER VOTE LIBERAL AGAIN!

    Reply
    1. Leigh

      Auto correct on an iPad. Clive Palmer is already sending…oh forget it the moment is lost now, time to reformat that hard drive

      Reply
  8. Josh Post author

    What I am learning from these comments is that other people are much better than me at computer whispering.

    Reply
  9. Anonymous

    These people should be ashamed of the paper they waste and embarrassed that they believe someone will get a flyer in the mail and change the way they vote because of it. The practice should be banned. The same goes at the voting booths – no one gets a flyer and thinks, oh that looks nice, I’ll vote for them – but we destroy trees in the process. Why not just put up a few whiteboards with the details of how to vote for them on it???
    Andrew Steel

    Reply
  10. Lizzie

    Excellent response! I’m with one of the previous posters – anyone whose vote is swayed by this expensive mail blitz shouldn’t even BE voting, I ignore all of the pre-election palaver as it’s all BS.

    Reply
  11. Jay

    This is a little bit unnecessary. This is your democracy, where your vote is respected and should be valued, and this is the process through which it is solicited for. Maybe before letting off steam in a blog, consider the people around the world that don’t have the luxury of a) a choice, b) voting for their representatives, c) a house with a mailbox to receive correspondence in, or d)access to the internet to voice their whiney opinions.

    Reply
    1. Josh Post author

      Voting and indeed ‘steaming off’ aren’t in any way privileges or luxuries, they are inalienable rights. Saying that because other countries do not have these rights means that we should just shut up is a fairly appalling logical fallacy. I understand candidates have the right to inform us of their views, my issue is with the fact that her office has been regurgitating the same drivel repeatedly, addressed personally to me so that it escapes my snail mail junk filter, as well as the fact that her views are unashamedly elitist and racist. Something which I noticed you completely failed to address in your comment, as you were ‘accessing the internet to voice your whiney opinion.’

      Reply
      1. Jay

        There are always two trains of thought such things, both valid. I saw a provocative and distressing story on Channel Seven the other night, in what you could say was targeted at me personally, as I watch the Channel Seven news nightly. I went and made dinner, instead of taking to my keyboard to charge at Channel Seven for pushing their views on me, in my time, in my lounge room. Sometimes complaining is great, and all of the time the delete email button is accessible on your computer or a bin is under your kitchen sink to receive your junk mail. These should be the outlets for your frustration at democratic system. The hopeful thought is whichever team of vermicular, soulless cretins you vote for, it doesn’t decide the future of this country.

        Reply
        1. Josh Post author

          Well, that’s very first world zen of you, but I trust you are aware that you are using the internet to complain about people using the internet to complain? Also, who you vote for does alter the future of the county. That’s rather the whole point.

          Reply
          1. Marina

            lol … “that’s very first world Zen of you” … love it!!! Do you have a blog? You should!! We’re in Danbury, CT (about an hour away from NY) know nothing about AU’s political system – but what you say makes perfect sense. The bottom line – you do right by folks. Keep it coming Josh. Good Luck to you mate!

            Reply
    2. Kim Wright

      Democracy also means that you have the right to blog, write letters etc to demonstrate your distain. Well done! There are others that are returning political gumpf with comments, spelling corrections and evidence to query their statements. Good onya I say

      Reply
  12. Annabelle

    Hilarious – thanks Josh. A little old lady who still has most of her marbles (some of them slightly chipped and out of round admittedly) salutes you! In spite of the junk political mail I can still manage to make up my own mind about the issues I think are important. Best wishes.

    Reply
  13. gr

    And I have been getting endless dribble from the ALP – except I have had to google to see exactly WHAT party they are from since they are obviously too embarrassed to share……

    Reply
  14. Doing it tough in Bardon

    Brilliant, thanks for the laughs! I am in the next door electorate, Ryan, served by the delightful Jane Prentice (As seen on TV – nodding behind Abbott in Question Time). Yep, oh dearie me, our local area is really doing it tough. You can tell that by all the renovations and additions being done to already renovated homes, the number of brand new Audis and Mercs, and the lack of custom at the (thriving) local shops. The only reason I haven’t sent a similar missive to Ms Prentice is that she gets me front row seats in the House Gallery when I go to QT, but I admire your selflessness.

    Reply
  15. Kim

    Fantastic response there Josh. Had me giggling for some time.
    Glad there are other like-minded people out there!

    Reply
  16. Donna

    My responce to the drivle was this

    Dear unknown Person,
    If you do not stop spamming me with unsolicited emails I will be reporting you to the appropriate authorities…. I have unsubscribed all my stores emails address from your mail out but I am continuing to receive them. I do not want to know about your political views or anything else you may wish to sprout about. I am not interested, but will pursue you to the ends of the earth if you do not stop emailing my company email addresses.

    I have no idea why a QLD politician would send stuff to a WA company, nor do I want to know. Get me off your lists NOW.

    Reply
  17. Mark Hodder

    I laughed…then I laughed some more…but where do you have access to trustworthy news services that are not owned by Rupert Overfiend Murdoch? I’m really interested to know, cos Lord knows I can’t find any.

    Reply
    1. Kaye

      Could I also recommend the facebook page Tony Abbott will never be Prime Minister. It has a large following and contributors provide links to all the latest news.

      Reply
  18. bill

    Could not agree more if I wrote it myself. I had myself removed from Steven Showboat’s list last election and I don’t miss the avalanche of propaganda he disseminates all year round. Sad thing is he has discovered my four children have all pass the voting age and the Political Prince of Paper has loaded our household up to the gunnels. National crest and all. What a waste of space .

    Reply
  19. Karmac

    I love this – I totally LOVE it! ThankU for heart-cheering my otherwise gloomy day. All is not lost in this gruesome pre-election week while there are gems like you & your clever words in it, JM Donellan.

    Reply
  20. Allison

    Dear Friend

    I think I love you. I am not sure of your gender JM Donellan but you rock.

    BTW I am married so its not that hanky panky kind of love. Its more of a Comrade to Comrade Light on the hill kind of love.
    In Awe,
    Allison Jane

    Reply
  21. cait

    go son!
    I had a similar experience with my local Liberal MP Craig Kelly sending me some hideous ‘border protection’ pamphlet. I sent of a (possible sarcastic, I think witty) letter asking when the invasion is, whether we should send out a party of our strongest men to meet them, and what country they will come from so I can learn to say ‘spare the dog, he’s done no harm’ but I got no answer.

    Reply
  22. Podrick

    Thanks Josh, it was great read that helps ease the suffering of Postal Gambaroism. A work colleague and I have been afflicted with this debilitating affliction for a few weeks now and wonder why it only seem to affect those in the Brisbane electorate. Perhaps we should form a “Don’t ever contact me again for any reason including the apocalypse.” support group.

    Reply
  23. Dan

    Well I’ve just enjoyed reading your blog and all the various comments that have been added to it. I honestly couldn’t agree with you more. From my local electorate of Oxley, our current sitting ALP member hasn’t sent out any dribble, where as the LNP candidate has sent out so much waffle, has countless people standing on street corners, main roads and intersections, as well as having so many posters up in peoples front yards. He really must thing that being of Vietnamese decent that the locals will change the way they vote and switch from the ALP. I don’t think that is going to happen. Besides, do we really want any more people from the party that Loots ‘N’ Pillages everything in site? No. I think not.

    Reply
  24. Pete

    Just another desperate ALP Richard Cranium! I get that mail from all parties and if I do not like it just toss it in the bin. Too easy. But any fuckwit can make a stupid story like this and whinge like a toddler. Grow up! (Sorry, almost forgot you are a Ruddite… growing up is hard to do for you).

    Reply
    1. Ashley

      Again with the name calling! Why can’t people express an opinion without the putrid comments and unjustified judgement of someone in which they have never met… He expressed his without such vitriol…

      Reply
      1. claire

        The name calling hides the complete absence of political knowledge or consideration. And it’s a bit funny sometimes but generally, it’s to perpetuate this fairy tale that there’s any substantial difference between Labor and Liberal, apart from a few personalities.

        Reply
    2. Kim

      Once again, another LNP supporter who has nothing but name calling. I guess you missed out on a, b and c. I’d also add that you missed out on learning good manners.

      Reply
  25. Liam Greenough

    HDD reformatting isn’t too nasty if you don’t see computing as a two-party-equally-non-preferred conundrum. Go for the minority option, like Linux, and all you’ll ever have to remember is mkfs.ext4 /dev/sda1.* Simple!

    *Assuming you want an EXT4 partition on the first partition of your first HDD. Further assuming said drive has a partition table. Disk size may vary; mkfs often gives predictions that are wildly off which fdisk refutes, but fdisk will only reveal its own disk costings well after format-time. Also, fdisk makes no filesystems of its own, and likes delegating authority to a plethora of sub-procedures and dysfunctional, multilateral subsystems.

    Reply
  26. claire

    I’m missing the much fawned about brilliance or greatness here. Can anyone point it out to me, please? Surely “brilliant” would involve actually doing or achieving something more than racking up an ISP’s revenue via a self indulgent, inaccurate and unoriginal commentary? I am most definitely not a right winger of any variety, hence finding both Labor and Liberal parties equally right and repulsive. I would expect anyone with genuine political knowledge and fancying himself as some sort of ‘leftie’ to grasp that there is, in fact, no ‘popular’ left party in Australia. There are, of course, those ‘neo-liberal democratic’ types who believe that inferring support, over a self promoting publication perhaps, of some currently fashionable ‘human rights’ issue/s (and even throwing in such misplaced gems as ‘inalienable’, a personal fav and cause of a bit of mirth) without displaying any deeper understanding or even discussion of significant associated concepts, makes him any more worth reading about than any other type with an agenda. I’d more think of such character as potentially a plain old wanker or sycophant, myself. Like I said, I do not like the Liberal or Labor parties even a fraction but I find equally pathetic a self aggrandising plonker who should really get his facts straight before drawing public attention to himself through trite, superficial publications and faux bravado in the guise of anything of substance or relevance. Just my opinion, of course, but such a character is at serious risk of looking like a right grandstanding, pointless balloon. I guess little fleas do have lesser fleas…

    Reply
    1. Lesley

      With respect Clair, your comments sound like a rambling thesis. J. Donellan has not written a thesis but manages to strike a chord with simple language. Maybe it is brilliant because it is simply stated and resonates with people, rather than brilliant because it saves lives or something of that nature. In which case we’re comparing apples and oranges.

      Reply
      1. claire

        Thank you for the respect, Leslee. The combination of such slncerity and struggles with literacy moved me [bowels, Lesley. It moved me bowels.]

        Any further political brilliance or was this pure entertainment?

        Reply
        1. Bronwen

          Wow. Your initial comment makes it really hard for anyone who actually knows the writer to not feel upset at your opinions or the way you choose to express them. I’ll try to ignore the ranting part and focus on the small grains of ‘a point’ that you attempted to make.

          Firstly – “self indulgent, inaccurate and unoriginal commentary?” – Where to begin? ok, how about… Its a BLOG Claire, blogs tend to be self indulgent as they were created as a device for people to write whatever they want to and share it with whoever wants to read it. No one is forcing you to read it. If the writer was paid to write it with public money or his work was considered one of the major ways people find out information IN ORDER TO MAKE AN EDUCATED VOTE (for example) then maybe that would be considered a conflict of interest (ie: all the press in Australia being owned by 2 people who are highly invested in the outcome both politically and financially). Complaining that it’s self indulgent is like going onto random strangers facebook pages and getting up them for posting pictures of themselves at the beach.

          Inaccurate you say? Well unless your hinting at the fact that tiny holograms delivered by droids is not a possible means of communication (and we don’t know that for sure (NASA i’m looking at you)) I’m not sure what you are referring to in terms of Josh’s writing. If it was the comment about Paddington…Paddington is one of the wealthiest suburbs in Brisbane and so are most of the suburbs in Mz Gambaro’s electorate

          (http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/news/queensland/brisbanes-richest-and-poorest/2007/06/28/1182624019318.html)

          so I’m not really sure what about that could be inaccurate, It seems that local people in her area are not doing it as ‘tough’ as say, the people in Pakistan, Iran, Syria or Japan even. Yes, they couldn’t buy that second car this year. but their country isn’t in the midst of an economic collapse like half of Europe… but i guess everything’s relative.

          ‘Unoriginal’ – well i guess we are just going to have to disagree about that, alas art and self expression are understood (or not as the case may be) subjectively, thus your idea of original work might be to read the same news in all the papers from the same angle every day, whereas mine is to read witty pop-culture infused slam fests that standing up to the ridiculous statements made by thinly-veiled-racist-rich-people attempting to use sentiment rather than fact to sway voters. Each to their own i guess.

          If you disagree with me, then you are welcome to open a blog and write your own wonderfully inspiring prose! maybe i could even take the time to write comments about YOUR attempts to be original, accurate yet still self-indulgent (its a blog people!!). such as;

          “Hi claire – loved the piece about not being right wing and not being for either of the main parties. Intriguing…It made me wonder what are you actually for? From the insulting tone you decided to use it sounds like you sure are angry about something, But you can’t be a Greenie, cos we generally are far less rude when people say things we disagree with. We have A LOT of practice though, so don’t worry, you’ll get there :)
          Also – whats does ‘neo liberal democratic’ mean exactly? Sounds like you just bundled a bunch of political sounding words together and hoped for the best.”

          Finally you stated that when people write about fashionable human rights issues they often use the word ‘inalienable’ in a misplaced way… How is that? The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (of which being able to seek asylum is Article 14) clearly uses this word in the preamble. When people use this word it is because it is a solemn reminder of that declarations purpose (of which Australia is signatory to – meaning it is an international document of law for us, superseding ALL of our national laws that undermine it) and that our human rights can not be/ should not be taken away from us regardless of our situation. Would be interested to here why you think its being used incorrectly.

          I think i’ll leave it there Claire as i fear i have put far too much of my energy into trying to speak reason to someone who is only on Josh’s blog to spew misplaced anger and reactive statements.

          The light in me sees the light in you my friend, I wish you well on this journey of yours.

          Bronwen

          ps) please don’t let my poor spelling/grammar get in the way of you making a thoughtful and respectful reply when you’ve had time to put down the Redbull and breathe for a few seconds.. that would be like me letting your rudeness get in the way of my reply.

          Reply
          1. JessB

            Clair could take some writing advise off you my friend, even if your grammar/spelling is sometimes inaccurate… Because while your novel of a comment was pretty dang long, I was actually able to read it, while I gave up on Clair’s after about 2 lines because it looked like a monkey had been playing with a thesaurus. Clair- why so angry?

            Reply
            1. Bronwen

              Hehe, yeah I’m not very succinct i know, maybe i should take my own advice and create a blog instead of spending so much time writing on others… Claire just gives us so much material to work with…Thanks for being gentle on the spelling, Ive spent so much time writing in Spanish in the last year I’ve literally lost my English skills…

              Reply
        2. JeanHay

          ‘Struggles with literacy’ is a bit rich coming from someone who misspelled the names of the recipients on the last two posts you made. Or was that you being deliberately nasty?

          Reply
    2. Kaye

      Having waded through your erudite analysis Claire, I am left wondering what you are “doing or achieving” with your “self-indulgent commentary”. I persevered with your “self-aggrandising” rant in the hope of finding “deeper understanding or even discussion of significant associated concepts” but was left sadly unfulfilled. You are no doubt extremely intelligent, unlike the rest of we “wankers, sycophants and plonkers”. Nothing “trite or superficial” about you. You are indeed a master debater.

      Reply
      1. claire

        Wha? Weaker and weaker. I would consider myself of average intelligence love. However, I don’t publish commentary on topics about which I have scant or superficial knowledge. So I’m not a smart man, you see, but a smart enough woman to recognise a complete dearth of political knowledge or analysis. That’s all.

        Reply
        1. Michael Baxter

          Claire, your writing may be a bit on the dry, wordy side but I, for one, got your point. It didn’t take a big or well trained brain to keep up. I too have nothing but disdain for both the big parties (oh, and for a LOT of the tiny/new ones too). No such thing as too many sarky replies to over sensitive grumblers, either! :-D I did laugh at Josh’s blog post, but was aware that it was never really going to do other than amuse a few of us. Gambaro surname vs restaurant? Hopefully, he doesn’t endorse Dick Smith stores, because he might agree with some of the views of the guy Dick Smith…. On the oft-forgotten foundation principles of the Libs & Labs – he is right that they’re quite different. A pity that those principles aren’t anchored in the minds of enough voters though. For me, this election will have the saddest result, either way, of all I’ve been observing since 1975. Pretty grim all round really, as even the clumsy but principled old Greens will lose a bit this time ’round :-(

          Reply
  27. claire

    Ah yes. Keep it simple.

    I luv tha depth of pol-it-ic-al anal-. Anal-i. Anal. No. It’ll have to be ‘thinkin’, hear. Yiz is real keybored warrioz. Inalienable comrades aye.

    Knobbers.

    Reply
    1. Josh Post author

      Hi Claire! Just wondering, do you enjoy being a troll? Are you more of an under-bridge or cave-dwelling variety? I’ve always thought if I could be any kind of mythical animal I’d be a basilisk, but that’s just me.

      PS Have you ever read Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilised Irrespective of Necessity? I think you might enjoy it: http://www.ucd.ie/artspgs/semantics/ConsequencesErudite.pdf

      Reply
      1. claire

        Meh! You say troll … hang on. You also say it’s your ‘inalienable’ right to comment on political shite also. I feel almost as confused as you, sunshine. Is it trolling to challenge your written diahorrea but democratic and inalienable when it’s some numpty blowing steam up your date? Sounds middle-right to me alright. I’m impressed.

        Reply
        1. Josh Post author

          Claire, it’s trolling when you have irascibly replied to more of the comments on my personal blog than I have, with a rather dull mixture of vitriol and self-indulgent non-analysis. If you want to engage in political discourse, that’s fine. If you want to make with the verbal jousting with me personally, that’s more than fine. But if you’re going to randomly abuse visitors to this site then yes I will make use of the delete function.

          Surely there are other avenues for your pseudo-academic rambling elsewhere on the internet.

          Reply
  28. Chris

    I get the same feeling whenever I open any letter from any political party. It’s like opening a email to find virus attached! Mandatory disclosure of political party names on the OUTSIDE of the envelope, please!

    Reply
  29. Bronwen

    Josh – Hilarious as always! I found this linked from a friend on facebook – and when i saw the name I knew i was about to read something witty and delicious. I fly back in to australia the day before the federal election (been travelling for 1 1/2 years) and i’m kinda glad i’m not there in the lead up cos of all the crazy stuff thats happening with the media etc etc. I feel like Australia’s becoming more like the USA (and not in a good way) in terms of the blatantly bias press, the crazy gimmicks ($200 bonus for being straight) and the general lowest-common-denominator antics and appeals…

    Its as funny as it is sad in a way that ‘everyone’ is so focused on the boat people and not the fact that the arctic circle is currently a LAKE. Because ultimately our inability to focus on what actually matters will lead to us ALL being boat people.

    I just hope that while the elections continue as the world begins to sink in radioactive water, the Liberal and the coal seam gas mining parties, the anti-everything-that-isnt-rednecked-and-deepfried party and the extremist death penalty/anti abortion party forget to take swimming lessons…

    much love
    your-make-out-in-a-box friend
    B

    Reply
    1. Josh Post author

      BRON? Are you kidding me, of all the strange responses I’ve had on here this is surely the most unexpected. I assumed you were dead, in prison, leading some kind of militia or possibly married to a eccentric rock star by now? Are you coming back to Bris? I’d better hear my phone ring when you get back!

      Reply
      1. Bronwen

        well… I’ve ticked three of those boxes i guess…

        for sure man!! its been too long, this is the perfect way to ‘bump’ into you so to speak… just spent an hour of my life writing a thoughtful response to our wonderful friend Claire who reminds us to practice tolerance and compassion even when it is not being gifted to us. Hope you enjoy my response as it was as much for you (and your awesomeness) as it was for her.

        I’m off to spend some quality time with my folks after i fly in to brissy and vote, but i would love to catch some dinner and a catch up next time im in town (please let it be for a job interview!!!) until then ill add you on facebook.. i just rehooked myself to that drip awhile back….so cold..

        Reply
  30. Dianna

    Nothing bright and witty to say. All the clever multi syllable words have already been exhausted. Would just like to say….Liked your rant.

    Reply
  31. Liz

    I was expecting something clever or thoughtful or witty – can’t see what all the fuss is about.
    Have you ever thought of creating something instead of just gutter reaction?

    Reply
  32. jay

    ..What a conceited and Sarcastic rant , how dare this person make presumptions that the small business people in the Paddington area who have these shops are somehow not affected or in your opinion deserving of any consideration , these business are doing it tough , I should know, I am one of them , and know of several who are in dire circumstances , ( finding it difficult just to make the rent ) ,just yesterday I heard of another hard working mum with a young family , had a dream to start her own café , she does all her own baking, works 24/7 , employs a few people , but will walking away from it next month , and the staff will loose there jobs .
    I can see you are one of those ranting activist who like the sound of your own voice , that fine I don’t really care who you vote for, but maybe this candidate has bothered to speak to the business and not made just arrogant and nasty presumptions about them, for someone who likes to think they are compassionate about world issues you are so naïve to what happening in your own street ..

    Reply
    1. Josh Post author

      Hi Jay (and also Jess, following comment). Thanks for taking the time to write, I’ve written a blanket response below which responds to a few of the things you’ve both said, but I wanted to just write a quick note here to say that I am genuinely sorry that business is slow for both you and your acquaintance. I hope things pick up for you soon. That said, your individual cases don’t negate the fact that Paddington is one of the richest suburbs in Brisbane, as shown here: http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/news/queensland/brisbanes-richest-and-poorest/2007/06/28/1182624019318.html
      And Australia is one of the richest countries in the world. In fact, by some measures it is THE richest:
      http://finance.ninemsn.com/newsbusiness/motley/8546303/australians-are-the-richest-in-the-world

      I’ve got a lot of respect for people who run a small business (I happen to run one myself). Jess I didn’t say that I ‘spat’ on businesses. I said ‘you can’t spit without inadvertently hitting etc.’ This was quite clearly a joke referencing the density of such establishments rather than suggesting I intentionally go around firing my mouth based body fluids onto the nearest boutique.

      Reply
      1. Jess

        Hi Josh,

        Excellent response & thank-you. I’m happy to see that you don’t seem to intentionly wish to offend & alienate people (& you actually sound quite humble -& funny :-) )

        For the record, I wouldn’t write you off as an Author simply based on this (most likely) spur of the moment venting session. I clicked on your “books” icon & saw that you’ve written a children’s book! You’re clearly highly imaginative & that’s such a wonderful way to channel your offbeat creativity.

        All the best for your upcoming book’s release…

        Jess

        Reply
  33. Jess

    IN RESPONSE TO JAY’S COMMENT 31/8

    I’m really glad you took the time to respond Jay. I wouldn’t say I’m a “ranting activist” but I would in many ways fit that bill. I teared up when I saw the fear-driven campaign to “stop the boats” It breaks my heart that there are going to be fellow human beings in crisis situations, fleeing for their safety & our own affluent country is going to abandon this responsibility to PNG who are far less equipt to deal with these people as they have far more of their own concerns. I think it is disgusting.

    I wasn’t at all impressed with this person’s post. The only amusing part is that He references His intelligence & his writing style, which He clearly prides himself on is not even mediocre, it’s down right labouriously bad. It’s obvious that he’s using self richeousness to masquerade what is really a forum for his own ego (& it’s working??). It’s infinitely easier to point out faults in others than actively contribute something of value to our world. Whilst I’m sure I would agree in many ways to this person’s political standing & he almost raises some important issues… He’s execution further perpetuates division.

    This BS notion shared by many “alternative thinkers” that “the haves” have no problems is arrogant & ignorant. I can understand this attitude coming out in response to this BS “turn the boats away” campaign because these are people with really, really severe problems AND NOW, ABSOLUTLY NO SUPPORT! But I just want to make it clear that I don’t “spit on designer clothing shops” & I am aware that many people who are financially well off, contribute back to society financially & often anonomously.

    Running a business takes a lot of courage & I feel for the many small business owners & their families doing it tough right now. There’s not many Australians who are not affected by this economical unrest -look at the situation with Super!

    I hope things start looking up for you Jay.

    Reply
  34. Josh Post author

    Hi everyone,
    since this post has ‘gone viral’ as the kids say, there’s been a lot of activity here in the comments section, and I don’t really have time to reply to each and every one. I thought I might write a quick blanket response to some of the comments (both positive and negative) and after that mostly just stick to moderating some of the nastier comments that have appeared. A big thank you to those who have disagreed with me politically but managed to do so in a civil manner. A tip of my hat to you from the other side of the fence.

    1 I liked/shared your post
    Thank you! The response has been really overwhelming. I’m actually rather confused by it all. Feel free to drop by again, come see me perform sometime or buy one of my books. Please.
    http://odysseybooks.com.au/bookstore/#!/~/product/category=0&id=14404311

    2 I’m a bit in love with you
    That’s very flattering, but you have terrible taste.

    3 You are not funny
    You’re entitled to your opinion, although it’s a bit weird that you took the time to tell me so. Do you also stop people in the street and say ‘excuse me sir/madam, but I thought I should inform you that you are quite unattractive’ ?

    4 You are conceited/arrogant
    I have a feeling that you might be saying this mostly because this post became so popular, which is much a surprise to you as it is to me. Honestly though, I’d describe myself as self-deprecating if anything. You did read the bit where I said I’d ‘grow a prodigious beard and stage a production of Streetcar Named Desire with a cast of rats and possums’ right?

    5 Stop whinging and do something worthwhile with your life
    It was one email that I shared on my personal blog. Telling a Gen Y twenty-something not to whinge on their blog about politics is like telling a 14 year old girl not to write in her diary about how dreamy that boy in her chemistry class is. Also, in terms of doing something with my life, I just got back from Portugal where I was finishing off my third novel. I’ll let you know when it’s in stores so you can tell me how much you hate it.
    Sidenote: try telling people in Portugal that Australia is ‘doing it tough.’ (Spoiler alert, it won’t go down too well).

    6 I respectfully disagree with your views but I think Ms Gambaro is an excellent candidate for the following reasons
    Yeah, I’m not really sure I saw any comments that fit this bill. As I mentioned, I am grateful to people who disagreed in a more or less civil manner but NO ONE defending her has tackled Gambaro’s unforgivably racist comments.

    Reply
  35. Jo

    Love it Josh. It gives me hope that there are still young ones who will engage in passionate political debate – and (for most respondents) without personal abuse.

    Reply
  36. Anonymous

    I won’t vote for that mob either – but am SO sick of these try-hard, pretentious, ‘wannabe’ literary responses from semi educated assholes that think they are so acerbic, cynical and clever…
    You’re not, it’s stupid – and mainly it just makes me want to vote for the people you’re trying to insult – just as a symbol of how much I despise your smug, self satisfied attempts at wit and smart-assery.
    We all think we are so terribly clever and amusing at Uni… but really, give it a few years… I’ve stayed left-wing in my political views, but really have lost that ‘full of myself’, holier-than-thou, patronizing , ‘mean means trying to be clever’ crap.
    You’re trying too hard to be original with your angry tirade nonsense.
    And just like a gothic or Emo, you’re exactly like every other disaffected youth.
    Which is every youth.
    Not original in the least.

    Reply
  37. Stop the the...

    Thank you for this! I got the same letter/s and have been pondering my response. Out of the blue I too found her previous immigrant related quote. Quite amazed I was.

    That and her bullet points of bullshit compelled me to keep the letter in order to respond. I shall :)

    Thanks for this! Inspiring!

    Reply
  38. Shagsy

    And the LNP shit in my snail mailbox just keeps coming!. Leave off please!! Letter from Tony tonight! Kill me now!!!!!

    Reply
  39. Pingback: Look ma! I’ve gone viral! | JM Donellan

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

*