Like most rational people, I have a firm policy of telling Xmas to SHUT UP until December. Now that it actually is December, let’s talk about shiny happy things!
I’m having my inaugural happy Xmas/Hanukkah/thankgod2016isnearlydead sale! My last novel, Killing Adonis, is now available for just TEN cashmoneydollarbucks! That’s even less than a bar of Jesus Soap.
Killing Adonis is about to have its North American release, and it recently picked up a Kirkus Star (one of my top five favourite stars, right behind Sirius A and Sirius B). In exchange for 10 measly dollars (please do not send dollars infected with measles) I will throw a copy at you, signed and inscribed however you like.
You can also grab any of my other books. If you don’t love them, I will refund your purchase!* What could be better than a book for Xmas? Well, a robot dinosaur I guess. Or a time machine. Maybe some sort of mystical gauntlet. But apart from that basically nothing.
HAPPY XMAS OR WHATEVER HOLIDAY THING YOU DO OR DON’T BELIEVE IN!
*All refunds attract a processing charge of $50 per book.
Good morrow, readers and rabble-rousers! I’m very excited to be travelling down to the Bellingen Readers and Writers Festival next week. Although I must admit I am slightly terrified by the fact that my road tripping buddy and fellow Pantera Press author Graham Potts issued a (suicide) request for people to suggest the most horrible songs possible for his driving mix. If I come back home a sweaty, convulsive mess you’ll know why.
I’ve never been to Bellingen and everyone says it’s wonderful so I’m grateful to have this excuse to visit for a couple of days. If you’re in the area or know someone who is, come and say hi. The line up includes other Pantera authors such as the aforementioned Graham, Lynette Noni and CEO Alison Green as well as other amazing writers like David Williamson, Richard Glover and Debra Oswald.
Oh hey there everyone! In super magic big plus exciting times news: I recently handed in the manuscript for my new novel to Pantera Press! Hopefully they like it, otherwise I’ll just print it out and drive around throwing it onto people’s lawns which will be very expensive and time consuming and also possibly injure their pets.
PS a quick thank you to the folks on Twitter and Facebook who helped me put together some ideas for House. Hunting. by sharing their stories about the strange/psychopathic behaviour of their housemates. You guys have shared roofs, bathrooms and bodily odours with some seriously fucked up individuals.
PPS I’lll be at the Sydney Writers’ Festival in a couple of weeks and it will be crazy and amazing! There will be heaps of other great authors like David Mitchell, Emily St John Mandel, Annabel Crabb etc. Come and say hi if you’re in that corner of this particular universe.
First of all, I was highly disappointed that this novel was not written by Tim Winton. As every reviewer knows, the only good novels in Australia are those that are either written by Tim Winton or try very extremely hard to sound like his work with the addition of a mild idiosyncratic twist. Perhaps a giraffe with OCD and a drinking problem or a sexually confused parking inspector with a penchant for Scandinavian taxidermy.
This book has received a slew of favourable reviews. Books + Publishing said ‘This is a writer with a deft handle on his craft’, Book’d Out called it a ‘surprising page turner‘ and Glamadelaide went so far as to comment that Killing Adonis is ‘great, inventive storytelling from an exciting new Australian author.’ Frankly I don’t see what all the fuss is about. As a post-modern western space opera it leaves a lot to be desired, as an erotic kung fu saga it is (almost) completely lacking in either sex scenes or kung fu sequences and as a technical manual for the Atari 800 it is beyond useless. After reading all 450 pages of this book I am still have no idea how to reboot my mainframe in the event of a lightning strike or zombie apocalypse.
Killing Adonis is incompatible with:
Killing Adonis is completely lacking in digital features. I tried a vast range of swiping and voice commands and it was obstinately unresponsive. The novel is not compatible with OSX , Xbox, Linux or the Matrix and all attempts to connect to WiFi or Bluetooth met with disaster. Furthermore, it proved entirely inadequate as a floatation device in even the most rudimentary inflatable pool testing and when I tried to use it to assemble my newly purchased Ikea wardrobe it was nothing short of unusable.
Under ballistics testing, the book did prove somewhat more capable. Its 450 pages and pleasingly tactile faux leather cover do serve to reduce the velocity of a Walther P99 at a distance of 300 feet. However, at closer proximity the bullet will penetrate all the way through, so use with caution.
Overall I’d give this book 5 stars (out of 100) and unreservedly recommend it as a bullet resistant accessory but strongly encourage anyone who is looking for a Tim Winton penned futureproof Bluetooth enabled erotic space opera to look elsewhere. Available from all good bookstores (and some of the bad ones).
Hey dudes I made a little sneak preview video for the launch with my friend the amazing incredible astonishing etc Sandi Darling who runs a cool parents blog at Milk Eyes. Note: this video features lots of big shiny drugs. Don’t forget to RSVP to Events@PanteraPress.com. Facebook event is here.
All right internet, this is the big one. I’ve been waiting four goddamn years for this and you can bet your grandma’s kitten we are going to have a party to remember. FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS SWEET LINEUP!
What a bunch of genius babes. Plus there’ll be site design and art from Sandi Darling and Anna Cooke, fireworks, food trucks, cheap beers and all kinds of shenanigans. Entry is just a small donation, 100% of which will go towards the performers. What kind of IDIOT would miss a party like that? Not you, obviously. See you there.
Dearest denizens of the interwebs, I am extremely incredibly tremendously and wondrously thrilled to present to you the cover of my forthcoming novel Killing Adonis. I’m hugely impressed with the team at Xou Creative as well as my publisher Pantera Press for coming up with a design that enigmatically alludes to the dark and comedic aspects of the novel in a way that is captivating and unusual. The cover itself will have a faux leather feel, and as a huge book nerd I’m excited that it will have a special little tactile element.
The blurb is as follows:
NO QUESTIONS ASKED OR ANSWERED.
After receiving a curious invitation, Freya takes a job caring for Elijah, the comatose son of the eccentric Vincetti family. She soon discovers that the Vincetti’s corporate rivals have a nasty habit of being extravagantly executed, their labyrinthine mansion hides a wealth of secrets and Elijah was never the saint they imagine him to be.
As if that’s not enough, Marilyn Monroe keeps appearing, apparently unaware of the fact that she’s very much deceased. And there’s something very strange about the story that Elijah’s brother Jack is writing…
Killing Adonis is a tragicomic tale about love, delusion, corporate greed and the hazards of using pineapple cutters while hallucinating.
The launch party will be held at the Motor Room in West End on September 27 and 100% of everyone everywhere is invited. This will not be your ordinary book launch, we are going to have slam poets, bands, circus performers, fireworks and all manner of wonderful weirdness. Official event page and invites will be available soon. See you there.
A lot’s happened in the last four years. Australia’s had 3 Prime Ministers, the Catholics have had 2 different popes, scientists confirmed the existence of the Higgs boson and I finally fucking finished my third book. After signing with the wonderful Pantera Press two years ago, the novel has shifted and morphed in strange, wonderful and surprising ways and ended up like the Super Saiyan version of its original embryonic form. I am incredibly, stupendously, tremendously excited to unleash this little collection of letters and thoughts out into the world. I’m confident that it’s unlike anything else that will be released this year. That doesn’t guarantee that will people will like it of course, but people go wild for dinosaur erotica or goji berries for no apparent reason so there’s no point trying to keep up with the zeitgeist if you ask me. For all I know the next book craze will be a YA series written from the perspective of a time-travelling monkey ninja who speaks only in alliterative rhyming couplets (I would read the hell out of that book).
“The camera loves you JD! Actually, no, it doesn’t. But it’s okay I’m a great photographer so these’ll still look good.” -Actual quote from the photographer.
As a strange sort of preview ahead of the book’s release I made a mixtape for you. Yes, just for you. Now I know what you’re thinking, and it’s both repulsive and physically impossible. I also know what you’re thinking about the word ‘mixtape’ being applied to a book. I’m well aware this is typically the territory of wannabe rappers and gangly sixteen-year-olds trying to get laid, but I’ve been both in my time and I believe that when it comes to art, it is very much about what you can get away with.
Each of the 37 tracks here mirrors one of the chapters in the book, serving as a sort of literary soundtrack. Most of these bands were on constant repeat while I was writing Killing Adonis, so it’s also something of a snapshot of the creative process (for those of you who take an interest in such things). In addition, it features a couple of bands from my beloved hometown of Brisbane, where the novel is set. The selection samples everything from orchestral to electronic to hip-hop to post-rock. I hope you find something that takes your fancy, and as a musician myself I strongly encourage you to go out and buy the albums of any of these bands that you enjoy here. Most of them have a bandcamp site where you can get their stuff for super cheap.
Get your eyeballs ready, Killing Adonis is coming in October!
PS I just got confirmation that I’ll be appearing at the National Young Writers’ Festival around the same time the book is released. Feel free to come and heckle me.