(Link to the full ebay ad is here.)
I'm about to head to New York and then Colombia to do some "research" for my next book, Adonis Comma Coma. I need to raise some funds to assure that I can afford to drink Manhattans in Manhattan and to that end I'm selling off a few things. Please bid with all your dollars:
What you are looking at is a 100% authentic, definitely NOT fake ad for a radium 49 m-audio midi keyboard formerly owned by Ludwig Van Beethoven. (Note: Ludwig Van Beethoven is not to be confused with the titular character of the heart-warmingly mediocre family films of the early to late nineties.)
This one. Not this one.
Beethoven is best known for his classical symphonies composed primarily on a traditional grand piano, but in his spare time he also liked to dabble in trance and acid house music composed on this midi keyboard.
It is a well known fact that Beethoven's hearing began to fade later in his career as a result of staying out at too many raves. At this time he stopped going out to doofs and mostly preferred composing hundreds of hours of psytrance and produced the seminal album Beethoven's xtreme haus anthemz feat. Tha D-stroyer which yielded hits such as Girl is on my mind, Pizza is on my couch and Raise the roof (throw yo hands up!) He also released a plethora of seminal dubstep and ambient releases under monikers such as 'BFX', 'B-town Posse' and 'BTHVN sound sistem.'
This item comes complete with an official certificate of authenticity signed by Ludwig himself:
Considering the substantial historical value of this instrument, it's an absolute steal at $0.99. If you can find another midi keyboard formerly owned by Beethoven at a cheaper price, I'll not only refund your money in full, I'll also give you a Yamaha WR250F dirtbike formerly owned by Ella Fitzgerald.
Ella Fitzgerald
Jazz singer, composer and Dirtbike enthusiast.